I am not alone.I am with my various friends in cyberspace. Thanks to internet which is my constant companion. However, in a sense, I am alone tonight. I have nobody with me tonight. I am literally alone in this two storey building that provides me shelter.
When I got back earlier today from work I couldn't help but muse that this must be what those old maids must have felt or feel. I have an office mate who is on her late 30s, still single, and she owns a house. I couldn't help but think of her. I have no one to talk to, nobody greeted me when I entered, I had to cook for my dinner. This is not my first time to be alone but what differs is that tonight I suddenly have these epiphanies.
I recall this article (below) which I kept when I was still in college. I was in my late teens then. This year I'll be entering my early 30s. For some reason my solitariness tonight reminded me of the article which I will share. I can't remember the writer but she was a freelance writer and 28 at the time she made this up.
ONE TRIP I WON'T MISS
WHEREVER i am and whomever i meet, I'm asked the same question: "so, are you married?"
I am so tired!
And then there is that inane follow-up question: "why aren't you married then?"
I don't know. I've often wondered about that myself. I'm not ugly, and I've seen worse-looking women.
"When do you plan to get married?"
Lady, I've been planning since i had my first period.
"What are you waiting for?"
Uh, a bridegroom?
Why should i get married anyway?Just so i get to wear a ring on that finger? I can buy myself a ring- 24K at that. Even two- 1 to wear in daytime and the other in the evening.
So I'll have a different surname? Just a few trips to the city hall will do the trick. Sahara Travolta, Sahara Agassi. Sahara Gates.
So i can have a baby? Unless my biology teacher lied, a sperm and an egg can still meet even without a marriage license. Besides, I already have a boy and a girl. They just happen to have wet noses. But i don't have to worry that they might grow up into delinquents or write book with titles like, "GROWING UP WITH A MOTHER FROM HELL."
So i will have somebody by my side at nights?
But i don't care. He'll probably just grab the blanket and snore like a pig with sinusitis anyway.
So i can wake up in somebody's arms?
I don't know about you, but i only want to wake up with my good old Lister mint at hand.
So I'll be happy?
Yeah, right. Nothing, not even marriage, will make me happy if I don't know to be happy with myself, although my self- happiness is now bordering on the delirious.
But I'll never be able to don a wedding gown?
I can bring a photographer with me as i go sukat-happy at " Here Comes the Bride." The photographer can even pose as my groom.
Maybe I'll get married when i have passed the calendar or the lotto numbers. At least i don't have to worry that my husband might no longer love me when i get old. I've already wrinkled by that time i become his blushing bride.
If there's really nobody for me, eh di wala. ( No, that's not me wailing. It's my mom agonizing about having to take care of me forever.) After all, contentment with whatever stare we are in is more important than a contraction, i mean, a contract.
Should I open myself to marriage? Marriage has not been a priority to me. Am I not late enough to consider being a married woman? *sigh*
